Mudear and the coconut cake

Last year my paternal great-grandmother turned 99-years-old on May 20, I called to wish her a happy birthday and she thanked me, she then asked “Where my cake?”

I responded, “What cake Mudear?”

She responded back firmly, “You said you were gone make me a coconut cake.”

I knew I didn’t tell her that, but at her age, with a touch of dementia I went along.

“Okay Mudear, when you come down in July, I’ll have you a coconut cake.”

In that deep southern voice that I loved so much she said, “Okay baby, thank ya.”

Sure enough when she made her yearly summer trip from Rochester, New York down south for the Pace Family Reunion I had her coconut cake.

The day before I searched Kroger and Publix looking for a coconut cake, to no avail. I even called the bakery who I’d hired to make two hundred cupcakes for my upcoming wedding. I thought surely if she can do that in three different flavors she had coconut cakes, but she didn’t.

Finally I decided to bake the cake myself, I’m not much of a baker, but if Mudear wanted a coconut cake, she was going to get one. After all she’s 99-years-old and she deserves to have whatever she likes.

I bought my ingredients, a bag of shredded coconut, vanilla icing, yellow cake mix and fresh strawberries to garnish.

As I prepared, I thought of all the times she must have cooked and baked for my grandma, daddy and even me, I felt extra proud.

I finished my cake and the next day I took it to her hotel room. She sat on the edge of the bed and my cousins, aunts and my then fiancé sang happy birthday to her.

Let me preface this by saying my great-grandma was one of the nicest women I met, however she spoke exactly what was on her mind.

She looked at the cake,

“It sho is pretty, I wonder what it taste like.”

(Funny thing is I thought the same thing.)

My great Aunt Thelma took a knife and cut Mudear a piece of cake. Mudear took a bite…then she spit it out.

“What is this? Paper,” she asked.

It was hilarious; my whole family couldn’t stop laughing.

Finally, through laughter Aunt Thelma said to Mudear.

“You asked Shaka for a coconut cake and now you don’t want it.”

Mudear replied, “I sho appreciate it, but I don’t like it.”

As I type, I’m laughing through tears.

Sadly that was the first and last cake I made for her, she passed away this morning. My entire family was looking forward to celebrating her 100th this year. I planned to ask her what kind of cake she wanted. However God had other plans, I thank Him for leaving her here as long as he did. A lot of people never get to know their grandmother let alone great-grandmother, but for my cousins and I we were truly blessed. She will always be in our hearts.

Above is Lisa, Rachetau, Marquise Jr., Charlotte, Myself and of course Mudear and the coconut cake!

This piece is dedicated to Matilda Pace and the loving funny memories she left with us all.

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Together Again

If there was one thing I could always bet money on it was the conversation I’d have with my paternal great-grandmother.

Without fail, whenever I would call her she would say in that deep southern Alabama accent,

“Hey baby, how yo daddy?”

I’d tell her how he was and then we’d proceed with our conversation. My father passed away in 2007, a couple years before that my great-grandma (Mudear as we called her) stopped asking about him. I knew with the old age memory loss was following.

Today would’ve been my father’s 55th birthday, this morning just after 7.a.m. my beloved Mudear passed away at the age of 99.

My emotions are everywhere, I’m sad my daddy is not here, I’m sad my Mudear is gone, I’m sad for my grandma, I can only imagine how she must feel.

However with all this sadness, I feel a pinch of joy. Joy because on this day 55 years ago my father wasn’t expected to live long, yet he lived 50 years. Joy because Mudear lived long enough to touch so many lives. I may refer to her as “my Mudear” in this piece, but I shared her with lots of cousins. She answered to Mudear, Grandma, Mama and Tilly, but she loved us all the same with that one giving heart.

Perhaps the one comforting moment for me is realizing that Mudear no longer has to ask about daddy. I’m confident that today when she left her earthly home and entered into her heavenly home he was one of many people who greeted her. She wished him a happy birthday and he welcomed her home.

This piece is dedicated to Matilda Phillips Pace (May 20, 1912-February 28, 2012) and Ronnie Phillips (February 28, 1957- May 16, 2007)

 

Why Bobby Brown should check his ego

We’ve all been there; we have a party, baby shower, bar-b-que and the all time favorite, a wedding. Whether it’s an evite or invite, the same rules apply when those magical four letters appear. Please R.S.V.P.
Or as the French say répondez s’il vous plait, which translate to “please respond.”
Simply put if you are invited to an event the polite thing to do is to let the host know if you will or will not attend and how many guest you will bring. There are not many situations which call for R.S.V.P at funerals unless of course you are an international singer and actress who name happens to be Whitney Houston.  Social networking, blogs, media, radio, barber shops and beauty salons went haywire last Saturday when the late Whitney Houston’s ex-husband and father to her daughter abruptly left her Home-going Service. After much speculation of whether or not he was actually invited. Rumors started that he was asked to leave, he was not allowed to sit with the family, his crew was not allowed to stay, Whitney rose and asked him to leave(not really) but the gossip was wild. Here is what Bobby Brown said in a statement late Saturday night:

“My children and I were invited to the funeral of my ex-wife Whitney Houston,” he said, referring to his three kids from previous relationships Landon, 26, La’princia, 21, Robert Jr., 20, plus Cassius, his two-year-old with fiancée Alicia Etheridge. “We were seated by security and then subsequently asked to move on three separate occasions. I fail to understand why security treated my family this way and continue to ask us and no one else to move. Security then prevented me from attempting to see my daughter Bobbi Kristina. In light of the events, I gave a kiss to the casket of my ex-wife and departed as I refused to create a scene. My children are completely distraught over the events. This was a day to honor Whitney. I doubt Whitney would have wanted this to occur. I will continue to pay my respects to my ex-wife the best way I know how.”

Okay, there is no dispute that Bobby left the funeral freely. That is where my issue lies. I think that no matter what Bobby should have stayed to morally support his daughter on what was by far one of the hardest days of her young life. At the age of 27 I buried my father; I don’t think it was any easier of a burden than it was for 18-year-old Bobbi Kristina. I do know that having the other parent (my mom) and my grandma there made it a tad bit easier. It’s a weird feeling, but the moment I knew my father was deceased I immediately wanted my mother near and my parents separated before Whitney’s first record was released.

According to Pastor of New Hope Baptist Church, Whitney’s home church where the service took place Bobby was always invited despite news reports that the Houston family wanted him to stay away.  Joe A. Clark appeared on Good Morning America Monday morning (I watched) this is what he said in a nutshell. According to Clark, Bobby and two guests had seats in the family section, but Bobby showed up with nine or ten. Bobby was told that he and his two guests could sit in the family section and seats would be found elsewhere for his other guests. Bobby didn’t agree with that arrangement and left. Clark also said that when Bobby and his guests arrived the family (including Cissy Houston and Bobbi Kris) was still in the fellowship hall and had yet come into the church. Clark said Bobby and his guest being seated in the family section before the rest of the family arrived would have caused lots of confusion.

I do applaud Bobby for not causing a scene, but I would give him a standing ovation if he had simply put his ego aside for the day.

Putting his ego aside would’ve been him and the two guests sitting in the family section as originally planned and the rest of the guest (who were mostly his kids and brother) sit elsewhere. Communication is the key to everything; Bobby should have simply requested in the very beginning that he would bring more than two guests. I agree that his kids should have been there, Whitney was in their lives a long time and Bobbi Kris is their sister. However, the way it was handled was all wrong and caused unnecessary drama.

I pray that Bobby and Bobbi Kris can move past this and that Bobby learn a valuable lesson. Because of his ego he wasn’t there when his daughter needed him most. Does that make him a bad father? No! Just makes him human, we all have acted in the heat of the moment and look back wishing we could change it.

Of course we can’t, but we can learn from it and move forward.

This piece is dedicated to all the people who ignore those four important letters on invitations.

Valentine’s Day and Singles

Sunday afternoon in church our choir director lined all the kids up and allowed them to give Valentine Day Shout Outs to their special someone.
I thought it was the sweetest thing to hear the children express their love for mama, daddy, and grandparents. Afterward, the adults did the same, of course I shouted out my husband of three months.
When I sat down I remember not too long ago I had no valentine to shout out, had that been the case this year I would’ve walked right to the front and wished myself a Happy Valentine’s Day. Shoot, ain’t no shame in my game, never has been.
For the past few days, I’ve noticed a few single associates feeling less than stellar because of the approaching “love day.”
At the same time, I’ve noticed women who complain about their significant others most of the year brag about their anticipation to the big day.
Ha! Really?
I don’t understand the purpose of being treated like a queen one day of the year and a pauper the rest of the year. I wish with all my heart that women would recognized their worth and men would respect it.
This is not a male bashing piece, because fact of the matter is most men gives two flips about the day. However some do, they will never admit it though. Hehehe
I remember in my single days (and there were a lot) I simply made the most out of the overrated holiday. Oh wait, it’s not a holiday! Shoot could’ve fooled me. Hallmark makes a killing on cards, chocolate is consumed and lots of bears are stuffed, upon stuffed, upon stuffed. Poor bears!
Anywho, I’m going to share some of the things I did as a single woman on V-Day. After reading this I don’t want anyone lying around eating chocolates, watching movies, feeling sad. I already did that for yall one year; I think it was 2002 or somewhere round there. Know your worth and be your own valentine!

Shaka’s Suggestions of what to do if you’re single on V-Day!

1. Plan a date with your girlfriends, exchange cards, enjoy dinner and girl talk!
2. Have a movie night with your girlfriends, snacks, martinis and movies of THE finest men in Hollywood.
3. Work extra hours; you’ll be so tired you’ll forget all about the day.
4. Mr. Moscato is always available. Chill and Enjoy!
5. Have a co-ed dinner party, don’t get it twisted, there are some single men who get down in the dumps too.
6. Offer to baby-sit for friends that have plans. Hello! Extra money!
7. If you have children do something fun with them. Don’t let them think a mate is needed to be happy.
8. Some churches have events; find out if one is near you.
9. Online shop, treat yourself to something you’ve been holding off on buying.
10. Very important! The day after all the candy goes on sale. Plan to hit the stores and buy your favs! (Get there early because it’s a tradition that I still do)

This piece is dedicated to all the single ladies! All the single ladies! (In my best Beyonce voice)

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The 54th Annual Grammy Awards

Sunday night, armed with my snacks of tortilla chips and a pina colada I prepared for the Grammy’s.
Now I knew there would be a somber tone, because of the recent death of Whitney Houston, but I had no idea I’d be bored out of my mind.
My goodness, what in the world happened?
Since all of my friends are at least an hour away, I watched the show alone. But, ummmm, not really.
Thanks to Facebook I was able to partake in some hilarious dialogue.
I must admit, I don’t have over 600 friends because of popularity, out of that bunch are definitely some characters.
Speaking of characters, shout out to Little Red Riding Hood for making an appearance last night. Oh wait, that was Nicki Minaj! Where in the world is the Big Bad Wolf when we need him? I prayed so hard he’d show up and eat her, but he didn’t. Moving on…
Chris Brown, welcome back, but one performance of dancing was enough. Before I share some of my status updates because they are quite entertaining (or is it timeline updates now). Anyway, let me just say to the people who were expecting Jennifer Hudson to sing as great as Whitney did…Um Really?
Nobody and I do mean nooooooBODY will or can ever sing “I Will Always Love You” like Whitney. Not even the original artist Dolly Parton (no disrespect Miss 9 to 5).
Jennifer did a wonderful job, given the time she had to prepare and considering how much Whitney meant to her. (Round of applause for Jhud).
With that being said, here are my posts from last night during the show, in no particular order. Enjoy!

“I’m sad all over again. A tribute to Whitney doesn’t seem right, but Jennifer did a great job under the circumstances. And she looked great. Whitney I love you always.”

“No lie, I like Blake Shelton. He’s so country, love that voice.”

“Now THIS is a performance! #Adele”

“Is Katie Perry paying tribute to Blue Ivy or something?”

“Yall still awake?”

“Lol, someone called them Beach Grandpas.”

“Yes LL! Prayer!Amen!”

“Shout out to Tina Turner for allowing Rihanna to wear her wig.”

“Fergie, my grandma said, you need a slip baby.”

“Somebody said Bruno Mars looks like El Debarge and Gloria Estefan’s love child! Lol”

“I ain’t gonna lie; I dozed off for about five minutes.”

This piece is dedicated to everyone who kept me laughing during the awards show. I never want to watch a major show with my Facebook Family.

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My Introduction to Whitney Houston

The year was 1985.
I was in my grandma’s small kitchen in Alabama participating in a Star Search-type talent show with my aunt and cousins. My aunt gave us each a “microphone”; mine was a wooden broomstick. I begin to sing along with the cassette playing in the background with my family.
I believe the children are our future/teach them well and let them lead the way/show them all the beauty they possess inside/give them a sense of pride/to make it easier/let the children’s laughter/remind us how we use to be.
It was then I fell in love with THAT voice. My aunt always had a beautiful voice, but Whitney, her voice was amazing. Could I even spell “amazing” at the age of 6? Probably not, but I knew it.
As the years went by, I continued to be schooled in Whitney Houston 101. Skipping down the long, dirt road with my cousins thinking about whatever boy I liked that week and singing.
There’s a boy, I know, he’s the boy I dreamed of/look into my eyes take me to the clouds of above…/How will I know if he really loves me?/I say a prayer with every heartbeat/I fall in love, whenever we meet/I’m asking you, what you know about these things?
Really Shaka? What did I know about love? Absolutely nothing, until a few years later. March 27, 1989, to be exact, when the first of my three younger sisters was born.
After two brothers, I was ecstatic to have a sister! I begged, I mean BEGGED my mom to name her after my favorite singer. My stepfather was sold on the name Monique. So my mom obliged us both — Whitney Monique is her name.
Throughout the years, Whitney Houston’s work remained a soundtrack to my life. I sang along in my car, at my desk, in the shower, in the kitchen. Wherever I heard THAT voice, I was her imaginary background singer.
When she crossed over to movies, that was like the icing on the cake for Whitney fans. The Bodyguard (great movie, even greater soundtrack), Waiting to Exhale (She put a face to Savannah, and did she not sing the hell out of Exhale, Shoop, Shoop?) Because, she was right:
Everyone falls/in love sometimes/sometimes its wrong/sometimes it’s right/for every win/someone must fail/but there comes a point when/when you exhale.
Everyone knows Whitney started singing in church,so it wa
s no surprise that she more than held her own in The Preacher’s Wife. She actually shined alongside Denzel Washington. I mean really, who shines next to Denzel?
Like most fans, I was disappointed when Whitney went through her troubles earlier in the decade. But I also understood she is human and had problems just like the next woman. Unfortunately, hers were played out for the world to see and judge. I pray these “judges” don’t live in glass houses.
On Saturday around 8 p.m., I was preparing to watch The Voice (how ironic, right?) when suddenly I saw a look of shock on my husband’s face. He had his phone in his hand. I inquired about his worried look, and he told me that somebody said Whitney Houston died.
Immediately I thought of a “viral death”, but I grabbed my phone to check. He said the Associated Press was reporting it. I still didn’t believe him; yes I have great respect for the AP, but at that moment, they were just wrong. They had to be.
So I logged onto Facebook; surely one of my journalist friends will shoot down this rumor like they did others. But sadly, I saw confirmation from two journalists’ timelines, one of whom is an AP reporter. Honestly, I still didn’t want to believe it, but I did and immediately broke into tears.
I remember crying in my husband’s arms as he quietly held me. Our 12-year-old niece was startled by my weeping. I heard him tell her, “Her favorite singer died.”
Suddenly I felt five small fingers rubbing my back as I sobbed uncontrollably. I couldn’t stop crying and my legs wouldn’t stop shaking. I was devastated.
I thought of Whitney’s daughter Bobbi Kristina, who has to bury her mom. Speaking from experience, burying a parent is hard. I also thought of Whitney’s mother Cissy Houston, who has to bury her child, which no parent wants to do. Between my tears and own grief, I said a prayer for them.
I also thought of all the artists who Whitney paved the way for: Jennifer Hudson, Mariah Carey, Beyonce, Brandy, Alicia Keys — the list goes on. If there was no Whitney, I doubt if we would have known these stars.
And I thought of all the women who stood in front of mirrors with hairbrushes, ink pens, broomsticks and other objects they used as mics singing their favorite Whitney tune, on and off key.
I sit here writing, with the I’m Your Baby Tonight cassette next to me, listening to my favorite songs by her on YouTube. I write and I remember.
I remember the greatest of all, Ms. Whitney Elizabeth Houston.

This piece is dedicated to my aunt Ethel Battle, who many years ago introduced me to a great woman and even greater music.

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