The first time I talked to Carlos Jeff I didn’t know what to expect. His story is one I was happy to tell, but at the same time wish I didn’t have to. His voice was friendly as if I’m a long-lost home girl. He jokes and we laugh, I wasn’t expecting to laugh, just as he wasn’t expecting what happened on June 7, 2011. Here is his story.

The Invitation…

It was a hot day, first week of summer vacation, as my boys played basketball, their favorite pastime at their mother’s home. We planned to hang out, nothing special, just get a little food and maybe catch a movie later. As Barbara, their mother pulled into the driveway from work  the neighbor asked if Cameron and Bryce would like to come play in her pool with a few boys who were visiting. Barbara said yes and relayed the message to them. I’m sure they were very excited because this was their first time being invited to the neighbor’s pool since moving into that home five years prior. Barbara told them get their swim trunks and go over and introduce themselves to the neighbor’s visitors.

Family First…

My sons were incredibly rambunctious and  full of life. They enjoyed sports, singing in the choir, their dogs, but more than anything they simply enjoyed being together. As a family we did almost everything together. I, as their father, did a very unconventional job as a stay at home parent for the five children that I raised with Barbara. The children were basically a staircase in ages being two years apart. Cayla,16, Carlos 14, Bria 12, Cameron would have turned 11 on May 9 of this year and Bryce 9. When the boys got the news that they would be swimming they ran to get their trunks. It was a Tuesday evening and just that previous Sunday I had taken the children to a state park for a dip in the lake. We played for a few hours in the water, for the boys loved to water like most kids do when it’s hot, but were never formally trained to swim. A previous drowning incident to a cousin deterred many of our family members from sending the kids to a pool. Barbara told the boys to go over and speak as she undressed from work. She told them she would go to the store for snacks and drinks to share with their new friends.

Tragedy within minutes…

When the boys went to the neighbor’s they entered on the deep end of a nine foot pool. There was a slide and a diving board. Being the first time over they didn’t know the layout of the pool. As they saw the other boys, who could not swim either, playing in the shallow end, they did not realize the difference in-depth in sides of the pool. Bryce went down the slide into the nine foot water. When he went under and realized the depth he immediately panicked. Cameron, always playing the role of big brother jumped in to try to help him. It was a no win situation as both boys began to fight to survive at that point. The boys who watched jumped out and ran for help. There were three adults at the home and none knew how to swim! They watched in horror not knowing what to do to save my sons. One of them ran into the streets begging passing cars to stop and help. She was finally able to get someone to stop. An older man, who lived not far away was passing by with his wife on their way to get dinner. He jumped into the pool and pulled them out, but it was too late. Fireman showed up not soon after and began to perform CPR. The boys fought for their lives in the ambulance.

The phone call…

I received a call from Barbara as the ambulance was loading the boys into the back. I was on my way back to their home to pick them up. If I had just gotten there twenty minutes earlier I would’ve saved them or prevented the accident  altogether. I am a trained swimmer and a very strong one also. Just twenty minutes of time has meant a huge difference in my entire life. It has taught me to value every moment I share with my loved ones so much more.

No happy ending…

They boys were two of the strongest physically that one could meet for a 10 and 8-year-old. I am an ex-college football player and would use fitness not only to stay in shape but also as a disciplinary method. The doctors mentioned that they had never seen young boys with fully developed six packs and arms their size. This strength allowed them to hang on longer than most under the circumstances. There is nothing worse than seeing your children fighting for their lives, being shocked by paramedics to jumpstart their hearts. We’ve all seen the hospital shows and sit in awe as the patients overcome tragic accidents or illnesses. However, in this case there would be no happy ending. Bryce, 8-years-old, was under the water longer, around 15 minutes. He fought for two days. It was June 9 and the birthday of my oldest son Carlos Jr. We decided we could not allow them to pronounce him dead on his brother’s birthday. I didn’t want Carlos to have to live with that type of grief every year that his special day came. We were able to keep him on the life support an extra day. Cameron fought until Saturday. I really believe even in death that he wanted to protect his little brother and be with him. When Bryce passed away my family was so consumed with sadness that they all left the hospital, leaving me there alone with Cameron. I remember praying and speaking to him for hours. We were very close. He not only looked exactly like me as a kid, but enjoyed the same things as I did. Six months earlier to their accident I moved  to Atlanta to pursue a music career. Cameron would email me every morning before getting dressed for school. His messages usually read something like…”Dad, I’m up early and thinking of you. I want to be the first thing you think about when you get up today”.  I really miss those small things.

A preventable death…

When a tragedy strikes your life we go through a ton of mixed emotions. I’ve dealt with the emotions of guilt, shame, anger and pain the most. The guilt kicks in when you think about the things that you might have done that could have prevented this incident. Why didn’t I teach them to swim? Why wasn’t I there to protect them? The anger issues were huge for me because I felt that the adults on that day made poor decisions allowing the boys to enter a nine foot pool with limited supervision. No one there could swim nor did the owners have any life saving devices like floats or a hook to fish them out. My son’s death was preventable.

Helping others…

During the week friends and family poured in from across the nation. Many gave money to help our family in any way we needed. I come from a family rooted in the Christian belief. On Sundays we always attended church together, in fact, my children and a niece were the root of the children’s choir. Bryce was grooming  for the lead. He loved to sing and dance and loved to joke about how the women would love him soon. We decided as a family that we had to find a way to bring light to our tragedy and see if we could prevent other parents from feeling a similar pain. We first decided to donate their organs to someone in need. I think of the little girl who received Cameron’s heart regularly. Does she know how much loved poured in and out of that heart? Can she feel his presence each time she breaths?

The Legacies…

We were soon approached with an idea of donating to the Cincinnati Recreation Commission’s (CRC) I CAN SWIM PROGRAM. CRC decided to make a special rate for their lessons in honor of my sons. They would offer four lessons for $20 to each kid who signed up. Our first contribution was a check for over $3,300. It would be a joy to know we could save over 150 kids lives with this donation. After the check given to the CRC I went home feeling bittersweet. I felt like although this was a big donation it was by far not what my sons lives were worth. I decided to continue to seek out my friends to donate more money. I felt that more awareness was needed to  shed light on drownings. I found out that drowning was the second biggest cause of death of children under 14. Why is it not talked about more? Why are more provisions placed in areas of danger? Since the initial monies were given to CRC I decided to begin the process of creating a non-profit organization to raise monies to pay for swim lessons for the kids of Cincinnati, but also to fight for amended laws for pool ownership. Almost $20,000 was presented to CRC via friends or supporters. This following year, as we grow stronger, I hope to raise six figures for our new foundation, The Cameron and Bryce Jeff Memorial Foundation. I’m seeking donors, as well as volunteers that would help with legal issues, fund-raising, and as motivational speakers to go out to public pools and get the word of water safety out  to the masses.

God and faith…

Many have asked me how I have remained strong throughout this situation. We never know what we can handle until we are faced with it. First of all, my faith in God has been the main factor to me remaining strong. I always thought that if you give your battle to God he will see you through it. I’m faithful in my belief that I will see my sons again in heaven when I pass. Though it is a long, hard walk daily without them present, I am able to walk it, head high, knowing my sons are with God and their legacy shall remain alive for years to come. It’s also through the overwhelming amount of support from family, friends, and strangers that I am able to smile. A few close friends have kept me smiling daily. I also get a huge amount of therapy helping others. Being able to speak with other parents who have a dying child has lifted me. I try to give them encouragement and uplift them in their time of need. Music and poetry have also played a huge role in my recovery. Whenever I’m down I play songs that give me good memories, or I write to ease my mind. One of my favorite songs is Fatherhood, performed by artist from my label Straightface Entertainment Group. This song speaks volumes about the love we have for our children as fathers.

Carlo’s Plea…

If you learn anything from me I hope it would be these things: One, always show your children how much you love them by simply putting time into them. Gifts and material items wear off but genuine love and affection doesn’t. Children love back unconditionally. Secondly, pay attention to the small details in your decision-making. A small mistake can cost you a lifetime of grief. And finally, please teach your children to swim. It’s vital because everywhere you go on Earth is surrounded by water. Don’t let your fears prohibit your learning, nor your circumstances. Live each day like it is your last, for it very well may be.

For more information about how you can help or donate visit Cameron and Bryce Jeff Memorial Facebook Page. You can also contact Carlos Jeff there.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Cameron-and-Bryce-Jeff-Memorial-Foundation/209518269112876

Written by Carlos Jeff

Edited by Shaka L. Cobb (c) 2012

Editor’s note: After spending close to an hour on the phone with Carlos and receiving his email I decided no one, including me could tell the story the way he did. It is for that reason I posted it as is, with the exception of sub-titles and minor corrections.