Seven Days of Daddy(Day 1)

It’s always amazed me how much about my time in Detroit I remember. When I was born daddy had already moved from Columbus Ga up north, I’m guessing to make a better life for us. I’m told that mama and I moved there when I was three months old. My father-in-law teases me all the time because I don’t really have a southern accent, I’m a picky eater and I hate sweet tea. I explain to him the first five years of my life were up north.
I’m pretty sure I said pop instead of soda until one of my cousins forced me to say drank when mama and I moved back to Alabama where she’s from.
Anyway there were lots of good times and bad ones in Michigan. Obviously one of the best was my fourth birthday party in 1983. Before I even saw the accompanying picture I had clear memories of having a Strawberry Shortcake cake, I remember because I didn’t like that her shoes were outlined in black icing. To this day I’m very particular about my birthday cakes. I’ve gotten several free cakes because a decorator didn’t follow my instructions.
I remember Mickey Mouse birthday hats and napkins. I remember chips, red punch, ice cream, my little boyfriend/neighbor Munchin and my daddy capturing every moment with a camera. So if you every attended one of my themed birthday parties, I’m pretty sure it started here.
The conversation probably went something like this:
Daddy: What kind of party do you want?
Shaka: A Strawberry Shortcake Mickey Mouse.
Daddy: That doesn’t go together.
Shaka: So, I still want it.
Daddy: Ok

So there, my birthday celebration obsession begins. In case you didn’t know, November 10 is a holiday.
🙂

20130224-053209.jpg

Above is me in my fav hairstyle, two French braids, daddy and I singing the birthday song and of course the MM hats.

Marquise and his many ties

small quise
To a man who wears many ties:

The tie of fatherhood, he calls them his “Trilogy” Marquise Jr., Madison and Mason.
The tie of pastor-ship, not only does he bless the pulpit of Central Metropolitan CME in Jacksonville, Fl. every Sunday, but he’s available 24-7 to his members when needed.
The tie of son, If there were an almost perfect child Charlotte, Rick and Ron has one. But since no one is perfect, we’ll settle for “almost perfect.”
The tie of big brother, Racheatu, Allen, Eugene, Malik,and Rainey has a great leader to look up to.
The tie of Shaka’s Favorite Cousin, that’s a special tie. You’ve always had my back and I’ll always have yours. Point, blank, period. #THEE end.com
The tie of nephew, friend, fraternity brother grandson, and cousin.
For all the ties you wear and for the blessing you are in all of our lives we say thank you and HAPPY 35TH BIRTHDAY!

big quise<img

May God continue to bless you abundantly.

20130213-205923.jpg

Remembering Whitney: Shaka’s Top 20 Revelations From Cissy’s Book

20130211-222149.jpg

It was just a year ago when Whitney Houston passed away at the young age of 48.

One of the greatest voices of our times lived in the spotlight as a singer, actress, mother, wife, daughter, and to lots of aspiring singers a mentor. To the world she was Whitney, but to her family, she was simply Nippy.

Perhaps one of the greatest pains a parent could have is burying their child, it’s always expected that the parent will go first.

For nearly a year Cissy Houston remained silent about her daughter’s untimely death, that’s until she sat down with Oprah Winfrey a few weeks ago. But an hour with the ‘Queen of Talk’ wasn’t enough, enter the memoir Remembering Whitney, My Story of Love, Loss and the Night Music Stopped.If you know anything about me it’s that Whitney Houston is my absolute favorite singer.

I read the book in two days and while there were a lot of things I was aware of, there were quite a bit I didn’t know, check them out.

Shaka’s 20 Most Shocking Revelations from Whitney’s Book

1.The name Nippy came from her daddy. He got it from a comic strip character who was always getting in trouble. Likewise, Whitney’s middle name Elizabeth was in honor of her paternal grandmother and Whitney came from an actress on television show her mom liked.

2.Whitney once lost a talent show to another young lady who ironically sang Greatest Love of All. Whitney came in second place and years later once she ‘made it’ ran into the lady again.

3.John Houston was still married to his first wife when he met Cissy (who had son Gary) from a previous brief marriage. It wasn’t until after Michael and Whitney were born that his divorce became final.

4.Bobbi Kristina almost ended up with the name “Tekatia or Takeka” according to Cissy, she suggested the name Christiana instead. “That child will have to carry that name through her whole life. You are not giving my grandbaby that name.”

5.It wasn’t Bobby Brown who introduced Whitney to drugs; it was her older brother Michael. (I never thought it was Bobby anyway, but didn’t know it was her brother) It was in the late 80s that Whitney’s long time friend/personal assistant Robyn Crawford came to Cissy about Whitney’s drug use. She told Cissy they both did drugs, but Whitney was addicted.

6.Whitney was an actress! Long before The Bodyguard, Waiting to Exhale and The Preacher’s Wife she had guest appearances on sitcoms. Silver Spoons and Gimme A Break were two mentioned in the book.

7.Remember the train wreck of a show Being Bobby Brown? Yeah, the reason there wasn’t a second season of it is because Whitney refused to be on so the producers didn’t want to do it without her.

8.Because Whitney refused to invite her dad’s new wife to her wedding to Bobby Brown, her dad refused to come. He eventually changed his mind saying he would come walk her down the aisle, but was leaving immediately afterward. He ended up staying.

9.A week before Whitney sang that unforgettable rendition of The Star Spangled Banner she was asked to record a “safety tape” kind of what Beyonce did right before the Inauguration. Whitney recorded the tape, but producers of the halftime show felt her version was too jazzy and asked her to do it over. Her father refused, “No, this is the way Whitney is going to sing the song. If you want her to sing it, this is it.” So there you have it. Whitney’s version of the Star Spangled Banner was not only unique and the best version to date, but she sang it LIVE
 She told producers she couldn’t keep time with a song unless she was really singing it.

10.Whitney suffered a miscarriage in 1992 weeks after filming of The Bodyguard began. She was also secretly engaged to Bobby Brown, whom she married in July of that year.

11.Whitney and Bobby’s honeymoon was a ten day Mediterranean cruise, but Whitney didn’t want to go alone so she invited her brother Michael and wife Donna to come.

12.Remember the hit song “Shoop, Shoop” from the Waiting To Exhale Soundtrack? Well this is what happened. Babyface wrote the music and the first few lines of the song, then gave it to Whitney and asked her to do the rest. A week later Whitney didn’t have words for the song. As a joke she starting singing “Shoop, shoop” in place of words and everyone liked it so much Babyface wrote the rest of the song around it.

13.We all noticed the weight gain of Whitney during the last five yearsof her life, apparently the doctor prescribed steroids to help with her voice and it caused her to put on a few extra pounds.

14.During an interview with Essence magazine a writer asked Whitney her response to the public saying she wasn’t “black enough.” She responded, “What’s black?” I’ve been trying to figure this out since I’ve been in the business. I don’t know how to sing black and I don’t know how to sing white either. I know how to sing, music is not a color to me. It’s an art.”

15.The night Cissy found out Whitney died, she writes, “I didn’t know how I would make it through the next five minutes, let alone the rest of the night, or the long nights ahead. I didn’t understand how anyone could bear such a burden of sadness and pain. And then, someone put on music and I could hear the voice of Marvin Winans singing the great Andrae Crouch song. “God has spoken, so let the church say amen.”

16.Cissy also revealed something she’d never revealed about the day Whitney was born. A voice she heard as she held her baby girl in her arms. Cissy said she never said anything to anyone about it, and didn’t think about it again until February 11, 2012.

17.Cissy never liked for Whitney to say she was from “The Bricks” another term the projects New Jersey. She said her kids only lived there five weeks while she was on tour and they stayed with a family friend. “I guess in Nippy’s mind that gave her some street credit or something.” Cissy said it made her mad to hear Whitney say that. “You ain’t never lived in no damn projects! You ain’t from no bricks. You’re going to get a brick upside your head,” she’d tell her.

18.Cissy on Bobby, “Yet unlike a lot of people, I don’t blame Bobby for introducing Nippy to drugs or for the things that ended up happing to her, at the same time I also don’t believe he did much to help her
When it came to getting clean, he and Nippy never seem to be in the same place at the same time and that made the process much harder.”

19.The Preacher’s Wife movie almost didn’t happen because Bobby didn’t want her to take the role. Nobody knows why, but Cissy speculates that he was uncomfortable with her working so close to Denzel Washington.

20.Cissy confesses that she often wonders if Whitney loved her, if she was a good mother. She admits to being angry with Whitney, at the world and herself. “Was I a good mother? Was I too hard on her? And the worst one of all, could I have saved her somehow?

Daddy’s Home

Today I read that superstar Usher received primary custody of his two sons with ex-wife Tameka Foster Raymond.

Was I surprised? No, not really!

Actually I’ve been following the case and kind of wished the judge would continue to allow joint custody between the two parents.

In a perfect world the two adults should have worked out their issues without a court of law. I thought after the death of Tameka’s son from her first marriage to Ryan Glover they would stop the custody case, *shrugs*.

I only know what I read on mainstream news sites and blogs (which I read for entertainment purposes only) I’m reading comments on social media sites (also for entertainment purposes) that Usher won because he has money. That statement alone bothers me.

I can remember going through a custody case with my mom and dad. My parents were never married, after they spilt up when I was about four or five mama and I moved back to her hometown of Alabama and daddy stayed in Detroit. I didn’t see my dad for one year straight. Shortly after daddy moved to Atlanta and I saw him often.

My mama soon got married and had other kids, my two brothers and two sisters, another sister came years later. No lie, times were very hard, things were out of control and I was growing up too fast, when all I wanted to do was be a child.

Long story short, my dad suggested to my mama numerous times that I should come live with him, she always said not right now. I can’t blame her; no mom really wants to be without all their kids. Eventually things got worse, and if anyone knew my dad he was the nicest man ever, but once he got fed up it was a wrap.

One day he got fed up and filed for custody. It wasn’t a long drawn out battle, we went to court the day after my 13th birthday and that same day he was granted temporary custody. Six months later, he was granted full custody.Daddy and I with my first cousin/brother Mikal, Thanksgiving 92, my first in Atlanta

I was happy and sad at the same time. Happy for obvious reasons, but sad because my mama was hurt, I was leaving my sisters, who I had a close bond with, my school, friends and cousins, but it was for the best. No one believed my dad would win custody, he was single (with the exception of a long time girlfriend), he was in and out the hospital with Sickle Cell and he was a man. Daughters don’t live with daddies alone, but I did.

Nothing against my mom, but she needed to be forced to do what I’m sure she wanted to do, but just didn’t have the strength to do and that was give me a better life. Looking back, that decision saved our relationship. I grew and I learned to forgive.

There were lots of things I experienced that I only share when it can benefit others. I wasn’t sexually abused or physically abused for that matter, but the judge felt that I needed healing and removing me from that situation would do that.

I adore my mama and as I got older understood her more. I’m forever in debt to my father, may his soul rest in peace,  words cannot describe what he did for me.

Maybe one day Tameka can see that this decision was best for her kids, hopefully she will realize that when fathers fight for their kids, it really has nothing to do with the mother, but everything to do with his love for the child.

Usher and with sons Usher V and Naviyd

Pieces Of You: Gone

When I look back, it seems like everything about how my day started on May 16, 2007 was preparing me for the news I was to receive later that evening. I’d awakened around 8 a.m. and immediately remembered that it was the same day that my dad was to have outpatient surgery to have a hernia removed. He had mentioned it to me three days earlier during Mother’s Day dinner at my grandma’s. He’d read the concerned look on my face and assured me that he’d be “fine” in time for my graduation from Clark Atlanta University less than a week away. I was a little worried but I knew that daddy wouldn’t miss my special day for anything.

It also happened to be my best friend Stephanie’s birthday and I’d made a mental note to call her later and stop by the mall for a gift to bring to her dinner party later on that night. I knew this would be an especially hard celebration. Just nine months earlier her dad had died in a tragic accident days before his 50th birthday. I felt terrible about the fact that her dad would not be there for her birthday. I thought to myself how lucky I was to still have my daddy around and that I wouldn’t know what to do if anything ever happened to him.

I turned on CNN to learn some bad news. It had been one month to the day of the deadly Virginia Tech rampage. Then I heard that Martin Luther King Jr.’s daughter, Yolanda King, had died unexpectedly. Yolanda King? No! Everybody loves the Kings. Hearing about her death felt like losing an aunt. My eyes welled up with tears and I was overcome with sadness. When I went to the mall for Stephanie’s gift, an eerie feeling flooded through me as I passed the sympathy section in the card store. My Uncle Howard, my dad’s younger brother, immediately popped into my mind. I remembered thinking how sad my dad would be if something happened to him. By then it was noon and I decided to check on my dad who should have been home recovering by then. He answered on the third ring but I could tell that he was still groggy so I kept it brief.

Me: Daddy?

Dad: Yeah.

Me: You home?

Dad: Yeah.

Me: You alright?

Dad: Yeah (weakly).

Me: OK, I was just checking on you I will call you later.

Dad: Okay.

Me: Bye.

I never imagined that such a simple conversation would one day mean so much to me. What I didn’t know was that he was in terrible pain during our talk. At exactly 4:59 p.m. as I was dressing for the night, my Uncle Howard called my cell. I’d considered letting it roll over straight to voicemail, but thankfully decided against it. He told me that my dad was having complications from the surgery and I needed to get to the hospital quick. I continued dressing, but less than a minute later panic set in and I grabbed my keys and ran to my car. While maneuvering Atlanta streets I dialed my daddy’s number and his wife answered. She told me that she was riding in the ambulance with him and he wasn’t doing too well.

“Is my dad dead,” I asked? She paused before saying no, but emphasized that it didn’t look good. I don’t know how I made it to the hospital in the middle of Atlanta ’s rush hour, but when I got there I double parked, left my emergency lights blinking and sprinted inside. Through the double doors I found the room where my aunt and step-mom were waiting.

“Where is my daddy,” I asked, terrified about what answer I’d get.

“He’s gone,” my aunt responded, her voice trailing off.

”Gone where,” I asked. Gone for x-rays, surgery, a soda what?

She didn’t answer, but her face said it all.

The last thing I remember was screaming, “No my daddy’s not dead; my daddy didn’t leave me, he’s never left me.”

Everything went in slow motion like a dream after that; my uncle picking me up, my flip flops falling off, my phone and keys falling to the floor, the man in the white jacket assisting my uncle, the lady sitting in the chair with tears rolling down her face as she repeated the words,” I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”

I don’t know how long time stood still but when the clock started ticking again my hair was a mess, I was barefoot and I just wanted to see my daddy for myself. When I walked into the room his eyes were wide open, he still had a tube in his mouth and tubes stuck to his chest. He looked normal, I touched his face, and it was still soft and warm. I kissed his cheeks and rubbed my fingers across his thick eyebrows as I held his hand.

The next morning it still felt like a dream when I awoke with his picture next to me. I instinctively picked up my cell to call my daddy; he didn’t answer. I left a message, hoping, no praying, that he would call back. He always called me back, but he never did.

My dad’s been gone for 13 years now and it’s been tough adjusting to life without him. Even though I know that in his death he is still very much with me, I’ll admit that feelings of betrayal, sadness, anger and fear often overtake me. What gives me solace is knowing that God gave me 27 years with an absolutely amazing, supportive and loving father. I thank the Lord for the fact that I’m not one of those girls – and I know many – whose dad walked out on her. I cherish the memories that we shared and I give gratitude to God for blessing me with such a wonderful man. In losing my father, I can see so clearly that because of him I am the amazing woman I am today.

Written by: Shaka Lias Cobb

Remembering Sharon

My heart is full this morning and I can’t think of any words to say on this first birthday without my great friend and sister Sharon. Earlier this week I planned to blog great stuff, but this morning I have writer’s block. If anyone understands it Sharon does. We shared many experiences of writer’s block together.

Today I ask that my readers join me in prayer for strength for her mother Judy, brother Shawn and especially her beautiful daughters Malaysia and Malanie. In addition all of her family, friends and everyone else that had the blessed opportunity to know her. She didn’t have not one enemy and she always, ALWAYS wore a smile on her face. Even during her two-year struggle with Breast Cancer not once did I hear her complain.

Sooooo… Since I can’t write, how about I just share some of my memories of Sharon in pictures. Enjoy!

“I ain’t even got one sad tear left in me, all I want is to see the whole world stand up tonight, ohhhh we celebrating life. Give yourself a round of applause…BRAVO”
Happy 36th Birthday to our angel
Sharon Ochoa

Mudear and the coconut cake

Last year my paternal great-grandmother turned 99-years-old on May 20, I called to wish her a happy birthday and she thanked me, she then asked “Where my cake?”

I responded, “What cake Mudear?”

She responded back firmly, “You said you were gone make me a coconut cake.”

I knew I didn’t tell her that, but at her age, with a touch of dementia I went along.

“Okay Mudear, when you come down in July, I’ll have you a coconut cake.”

In that deep southern voice that I loved so much she said, “Okay baby, thank ya.”

Sure enough when she made her yearly summer trip from Rochester, New York down south for the Pace Family Reunion I had her coconut cake.

The day before I searched Kroger and Publix looking for a coconut cake, to no avail. I even called the bakery who I’d hired to make two hundred cupcakes for my upcoming wedding. I thought surely if she can do that in three different flavors she had coconut cakes, but she didn’t.

Finally I decided to bake the cake myself, I’m not much of a baker, but if Mudear wanted a coconut cake, she was going to get one. After all she’s 99-years-old and she deserves to have whatever she likes.

I bought my ingredients, a bag of shredded coconut, vanilla icing, yellow cake mix and fresh strawberries to garnish.

As I prepared, I thought of all the times she must have cooked and baked for my grandma, daddy and even me, I felt extra proud.

I finished my cake and the next day I took it to her hotel room. She sat on the edge of the bed and my cousins, aunts and my then fiancé sang happy birthday to her.

Let me preface this by saying my great-grandma was one of the nicest women I met, however she spoke exactly what was on her mind.

She looked at the cake,

“It sho is pretty, I wonder what it taste like.”

(Funny thing is I thought the same thing.)

My great Aunt Thelma took a knife and cut Mudear a piece of cake. Mudear took a bite…then she spit it out.

“What is this? Paper,” she asked.

It was hilarious; my whole family couldn’t stop laughing.

Finally, through laughter Aunt Thelma said to Mudear.

“You asked Shaka for a coconut cake and now you don’t want it.”

Mudear replied, “I sho appreciate it, but I don’t like it.”

As I type, I’m laughing through tears.

Sadly that was the first and last cake I made for her, she passed away this morning. My entire family was looking forward to celebrating her 100th this year. I planned to ask her what kind of cake she wanted. However God had other plans, I thank Him for leaving her here as long as he did. A lot of people never get to know their grandmother let alone great-grandmother, but for my cousins and I we were truly blessed. She will always be in our hearts.

Above is Lisa, Rachetau, Marquise Jr., Charlotte, Myself and of course Mudear and the coconut cake!

This piece is dedicated to Matilda Pace and the loving funny memories she left with us all.

20120229-061908.jpg

Together Again

If there was one thing I could always bet money on it was the conversation I’d have with my paternal great-grandmother.

Without fail, whenever I would call her she would say in that deep southern Alabama accent,

“Hey baby, how yo daddy?”

I’d tell her how he was and then we’d proceed with our conversation. My father passed away in 2007, a couple years before that my great-grandma (Mudear as we called her) stopped asking about him. I knew with the old age memory loss was following.

Today would’ve been my father’s 55th birthday, this morning just after 7.a.m. my beloved Mudear passed away at the age of 99.

My emotions are everywhere, I’m sad my daddy is not here, I’m sad my Mudear is gone, I’m sad for my grandma, I can only imagine how she must feel.

However with all this sadness, I feel a pinch of joy. Joy because on this day 55 years ago my father wasn’t expected to live long, yet he lived 50 years. Joy because Mudear lived long enough to touch so many lives. I may refer to her as “my Mudear” in this piece, but I shared her with lots of cousins. She answered to Mudear, Grandma, Mama and Tilly, but she loved us all the same with that one giving heart.

Perhaps the one comforting moment for me is realizing that Mudear no longer has to ask about daddy. I’m confident that today when she left her earthly home and entered into her heavenly home he was one of many people who greeted her. She wished him a happy birthday and he welcomed her home.

This piece is dedicated to Matilda Phillips Pace (May 20, 1912-February 28, 2012) and Ronnie Phillips (February 28, 1957- May 16, 2007)

 

Valentine’s Day and Singles

Sunday afternoon in church our choir director lined all the kids up and allowed them to give Valentine Day Shout Outs to their special someone.
I thought it was the sweetest thing to hear the children express their love for mama, daddy, and grandparents. Afterward, the adults did the same, of course I shouted out my husband of three months.
When I sat down I remember not too long ago I had no valentine to shout out, had that been the case this year I would’ve walked right to the front and wished myself a Happy Valentine’s Day. Shoot, ain’t no shame in my game, never has been.
For the past few days, I’ve noticed a few single associates feeling less than stellar because of the approaching “love day.”
At the same time, I’ve noticed women who complain about their significant others most of the year brag about their anticipation to the big day.
Ha! Really?
I don’t understand the purpose of being treated like a queen one day of the year and a pauper the rest of the year. I wish with all my heart that women would recognized their worth and men would respect it.
This is not a male bashing piece, because fact of the matter is most men gives two flips about the day. However some do, they will never admit it though. Hehehe
I remember in my single days (and there were a lot) I simply made the most out of the overrated holiday. Oh wait, it’s not a holiday! Shoot could’ve fooled me. Hallmark makes a killing on cards, chocolate is consumed and lots of bears are stuffed, upon stuffed, upon stuffed. Poor bears!
Anywho, I’m going to share some of the things I did as a single woman on V-Day. After reading this I don’t want anyone lying around eating chocolates, watching movies, feeling sad. I already did that for yall one year; I think it was 2002 or somewhere round there. Know your worth and be your own valentine!

Shaka’s Suggestions of what to do if you’re single on V-Day!

1. Plan a date with your girlfriends, exchange cards, enjoy dinner and girl talk!
2. Have a movie night with your girlfriends, snacks, martinis and movies of THE finest men in Hollywood.
3. Work extra hours; you’ll be so tired you’ll forget all about the day.
4. Mr. Moscato is always available. Chill and Enjoy!
5. Have a co-ed dinner party, don’t get it twisted, there are some single men who get down in the dumps too.
6. Offer to baby-sit for friends that have plans. Hello! Extra money!
7. If you have children do something fun with them. Don’t let them think a mate is needed to be happy.
8. Some churches have events; find out if one is near you.
9. Online shop, treat yourself to something you’ve been holding off on buying.
10. Very important! The day after all the candy goes on sale. Plan to hit the stores and buy your favs! (Get there early because it’s a tradition that I still do)

This piece is dedicated to all the single ladies! All the single ladies! (In my best Beyonce voice)

20120215-201406.jpg