There are lots of things my daddy did for me that as I look back on I realize he didn’t have to do.
One that sticks out in particular is the night of my office Christmas party back in 2004.
I was interning at Crossroads News in south DeKalb County, but living downtown in student housing near Clark Atlanta University.
My car was in the shop for something, radiator I think.
It was the night of my party and I was kicking it with a guy who was my escort for the night.
His name was Shawn, he was about six years older than my age of 24.
Anyway Shawn called me an hour before pick up time with some excuse about why he couldn’t go. I don’t remember if it was his kid, on again off again girlfriend or flat tire. I was pissed, here I am almost dressed and my date is a no-show.
My roommate Olicia and I began calling other people, but to no avail, so Olicia got dressed and said we’d take the train. Me? I only took the train when it was necessary, not to mention we would have to take trains and a few buses to get from downtown to the other side of town. It was also very cold and I also don’t do cold weather unless its absolutely necessary.
Soooooooo with options and time running low, I called my dad. I just knew he would say no because he hated for me to call him last minute. He shocked me by saying yes he would take me to my Christmas party. I told him that the dude I was supposed to go with couldn’t go now so my roommate was coming with me. He simply said “Un huh, I’m on my way.”
An hour or so later my dad showed up and to my surprise he was dressed in a navy blue suit. I thought maybe he had somewhere else to go, so I’m like “Dad where you going?”
He said, “I’m going to the party with yall.”
Olicia started cracking up, she was like “That’s what’s up Mr. Phillips, let’s go.”
I didn’t think much of it then, but as I look back at the one picture we took I realize how sweet that was of my dad. It is by far one of my fondest memories of him. He not only drove from Stone Mountain to downtown Atlanta to Lithonia for the party, but he also let me keep his car for the rest of the weekend. That’s the kind of daddy I had, I could always call on him. Thinking back, that was the best date I’d ever had. I told him thank you, but it was more so, thanks for the ride. Dear Daddy in Heaven, thanks for being my date that night.
It’s always amazed me how much about my time in Detroit I remember. When I was born daddy had already moved from Columbus Ga up north, I’m guessing to make a better life for us. I’m told that mama and I moved there when I was three months old. My father-in-law teases me all the time because I don’t really have a southern accent, I’m a picky eater and I hate sweet tea. I explain to him the first five years of my life were up north.
I’m pretty sure I said pop instead of soda until one of my cousins forced me to say drank when mama and I moved back to Alabama where she’s from.
Anyway there were lots of good times and bad ones in Michigan. Obviously one of the best was my fourth birthday party in 1983. Before I even saw the accompanying picture I had clear memories of having a Strawberry Shortcake cake, I remember because I didn’t like that her shoes were outlined in black icing. To this day I’m very particular about my birthday cakes. I’ve gotten several free cakes because a decorator didn’t follow my instructions.
I remember Mickey Mouse birthday hats and napkins. I remember chips, red punch, ice cream, my little boyfriend/neighbor Munchin and my daddy capturing every moment with a camera. So if you every attended one of my themed birthday parties, I’m pretty sure it started here.
The conversation probably went something like this:
Daddy: What kind of party do you want?
Shaka: A Strawberry Shortcake Mickey Mouse.
Daddy: That doesn’t go together.
Shaka: So, I still want it.
Daddy: Ok
So there, my birthday celebration obsession begins. In case you didn’t know, November 10 is a holiday.
🙂
Above is me in my fav hairstyle, two French braids, daddy and I singing the birthday song and of course the MM hats.
Remember back in the day when your parents asked you to do something and you didn’t.
What happened?
If you had good parents you got chastised for being disobedient, maybe even a whooping.
As we get older things change just a little bit. Although our parents are no longer telling us what to do, God is.
God constantly gives us directions, whether we chose to follow is on us. However just like when we were kids not following our parents instructions had consequences. Trust me, if you think beatings from your parents hurt, try a whooping from God. It’s not physical, but if you’ve ever experienced it you’d much rather go pick your own switch. (Country people know what I’m talking about)
Don’t be that person, obey God.
I’m sure I’m not the only person God tells to do certain things. I was Ronnie’s only child, but I know I share God with everyone else. We’re all sisters and brothers.
As your sister I say, “You better do what our Father says. You don’t want a whooping do you?”
It’s no secret that I was a foodie in my prior life. I love food and until about three years ago I could eat whatever I want and not gain one single pound. Boy those were the days:)
Today I eat almost anything I want in moderation, then I run to the gym and work it off.
Anyway, so knowing that I love food, I’m always taking pics of my food and posting it for my friends to see. I’ve notice that recently people will take pics of their food and tag me in it on Facebook or send it to my phone.
Today my cousin sent a pic of some food he cooked, collards, lemon pepper fish, brown rice and hoe cake.
Right, hoe cake, which is basically like a corn bread patty.
Since this is not the first time he’s sent a meal that included a hoe cake, I said to him, “You love cooking hoe cakes.”
Then my inquisitive mind began to wonder, “Why are these called hoe cakes?”
I told him I was going to Google it, which I did. The answer I found is below, but first let me tell you what my grandma Annie Hardrick said.
I called her and asked why were they called hoe cakes and she didn’t really have an answer, but she told me how to cook them. “Hoe, cakes are like cornbread, cooked on top of the stove in a skillet.You cook one side, then once it’s brown you flip it and cook the other side,” my grandma said.She continued, “It’s made with meal and water, but you can also make flap jacks, with flour and water.”Grandma said flap jacks are thin and hoe cakes thick. I remember when I was little my other grandma made flap jacks all the time and served them with thick cane syrup. Shout out to Gram in Alabama.
Okay this is what my Goggle search said. “The term hoecake first occurred in 1745, The origin of the name is the method of preparation, field hands often cooked it on a shovel or hoe held to an open flame. Hoes designed for cotton fields were large and flat with a hole for the long handle to slide through; the blade would be removed and placed over a fire much like a griddle.”
Other names are johnny cake, shawnee cake and of course the ever so popular pancake! 🙂
For a variety of hoe cake recipes simply Google it or ask any elder in your family for their recipe. Enjoy
It’s that time of year for Dr. Hope’s Seven Days of Love.
Day 1: Love is perfect. So you may be thinking “How is Love perfect? There is no such thing as a perfect Love.” When I look back on life, I may ask myself the same question. How is love perfect when people…me…and you are so imperfect? We mess up, make mistakes, and are disappointed time and time again by those we so called “Love” or those who so called “Loved us”. Then I reflect a little harder, and when I look past all of the flawed people in my life (me included) and I see a Man that is flawless…a Man that never changes…a Man that has always been consistent and always shows up at the right place and the right time in my life. This Man is the definition of perfect…the definition of love…and the definition of Perfect Love. For those of you who haven’t figured it out yet…God is Love…and God is Perfect. If we strive to love others and ourselves the way He loves us we will always be satisfied. Stop looking for flawed people to love you the way that only a Perfect Man can.
Day 2: Love is fearless. 1 John 4:18 says “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” Have you ever been in a situation where you experienced feelings of fear, anxiety, insecurity, distress, or worry to the point of utter torment?! If so, those feelings are not products of Love. Love is fearless…it brings comfort, security, and peace. If you have been captivated by fear and worry, then I want to remind you that God’s Perfect Love can remove any fear and calm any troubled heart. Examine your situation, are you experiencing anxiety because you are trying to take control and you haven’t allowed God to take control over your life? Only God can put your fears to rest. Trust Him…Seek Him…put Him First. He desires for your heart to rejoice and be at peace. Don’t allow such situations to have power of your life. True love is fearless…and true love lies within Christ.
Day 3: Love knows no boundaries. What are you willing to do for those you love? Are you willing to cross all boundaries? Are you willing to give everything you got?Are you willing to do whatever it takes? If the answer is not yes, then you may want to reevaluate your level of love for those around you. True Love goes the extra mile, climbs mountains, and defies all odds. When circumstances say no, True Love says Yes! The greatest Demonstrator of love was willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice for those He loved. He loved to the point of death. Christ died for us all…friends, enemies, and strangers…because He loved. There are very few people I’m willing to die for…so I guess I got a lot more love growing to do! But having Christ as that example challenges me to learn to love greater, love deeper, and ultimately love with everything I got.
Day 4: Love is Universal. Whether you are in Dubai, Italy, Jamaica, China, or Mexico the language of love is still the same. How do you say I love you? By giving, caring, forgiving, and treating others with respect. No matter what language you speak, God created the language of love to connect every human being together as one. The greatest commandment of the bible is for us to love our neighbors, love our God, and love ourselves. This week let us practice the universal language of love wherever we go. No matter how much our enemies may hate us, they desire someone to love them too.
Day 5: Love Forgives. Have you ever been betrayed, abused, wronged, or disrespected? How did it make you feel? I know when people have done me wrong, I felt hurt, angry, or sometimes even bitter. The thought of that person would cause my blood to boil with unpleasant emotions. Sometimes this feeling would go on for months and even sometimes years! But what I didn’t know at the time was that the more anger and hurt that I kept bottled up inside against particular individuals, the less I was able to experience true peace and joy in my life. Unforgiveness is like a poisonous cancer. It starts out as a small offense and then continues to grow and destroys everything in its path…including your heart. The next thing you realize is that the person who offended you has moved on with their life while you are still stuck in the past of yesterday’s hurt. True Love is the exact opposite of unforgiveness, hate, pride, anger and bitterness. You can’t truly love somebody and hold unforgiveness against them at the same time. There is no perfect man that exists on this earth, yet still Christ died for us all…even after knowing that we would wrong Him time and time again. Take the time to reflect and ask yourself if you are holding a past offense against someone…if so, ask God to help you forgive them. Or maybe you’re the one that was the offender and maybe YOU need to ASK for forgiveness. Whichever one it is, once you take that step, I guarantee that you will begin to experience a more meaningful and peaceful life.
Day 6: Love Never Gives Up. Have you ever seen a mother whose child has been caught up in the wrong crowd? Whether it be violence, drugs, or rebellion…that mother will swear that her son or daughter is a good child. No matter how many times that child ends up in the court room, that mother is always there…right by their side. Now evvverybody else knows that Lil Johnny is crazy and deserves to be locked up…but not Mama…she still has faith in her little boy. 1 Corinthians 13:7 says “[love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”…meaning love never gives up. Regardless of what the situation looks like, when we truly love someone or something we never give up on it. Is your situation telling you that this will never get better, this situation will never change, you will never obtain that dream, or there is no point in moving forward? If yes, I challenge you to tell your situation that love endures. When everything else fails…love endures. When the storms and rain come…love endures. When all you got is challenged to its peak…yet love endures. Remember, don’t give up on love because love will never give up on you. How do I know this? Because just like that mother can continue to stand by her child’s side no matter what…how much MORE has God stood by our side when we know we didn’t deserve it. God is love and he has never given up on us. Likewise, if we want to demonstrate true love, we must never give up on it.
Day 7: Love Completes. No matter how hard some people try to fight it, everybody needs somebody to love. In the beginning…God created so many marvelous things and at the end of each creation He would examine His creation and said “It is good.” But do you know what God said after he created man? God said, “It is NOT GOOD for man to be alone…” and then God created a partner for him (Gen 2:18). Even God knows that we were all meant to have someone we can love in our lives. Now I’m not saying that this love relationship has to be a romantic relationship, but God places friends, family, and even strangers in our lives so that we can demonstrate His love towards them. The best way we can understand God’s love is by seeing unconditional love demonstrated from another individual. We all desire love and desire to be loved. The last thing God created was man and when man was created everything God created was complete. We are not complete until we find relationship and the relationship that completes us is the one we FIRST build with God Himself. Without a relationship with Him we will never find true completion. Next we must build relationships with others so that we can experience the fullness of God’s complete love toward us. Take a minute to think about someone you love. When was the last time you told them you love them? Today, reach out to someone you care about…call them and tell them that you love them or that you really appreciate them in your life. You’ll be surprised how quickly the love you give will be returned. ♥
Well that’s the end of Dr. Hopes 7 Days of Love! I hope you all enjoyed my little points of wisdom. I wish you all a HAPPY LOVE DAY and may your hearts be free to give and receive love from this day forward!
The tie of fatherhood, he calls them his “Trilogy” Marquise Jr., Madison and Mason.
The tie of pastor-ship, not only does he bless the pulpit of Central Metropolitan CME in Jacksonville, Fl. every Sunday, but he’s available 24-7 to his members when needed.
The tie of son, If there were an almost perfect child Charlotte, Rick and Ron has one. But since no one is perfect, we’ll settle for “almost perfect.”
The tie of big brother, Racheatu, Allen, Eugene, Malik,and Rainey has a great leader to look up to.
The tie of Shaka’s Favorite Cousin, that’s a special tie. You’ve always had my back and I’ll always have yours. Point, blank, period. #THEE end.com
The tie of nephew, friend, fraternity brother grandson, and cousin.
For all the ties you wear and for the blessing you are in all of our lives we say thank you and HAPPY 35TH BIRTHDAY!
It was just a year ago when Whitney Houston passed away at the young age of 48.
One of the greatest voices of our times lived in the spotlight as a singer, actress, mother, wife, daughter, and to lots of aspiring singers a mentor. To the world she was Whitney, but to her family, she was simply Nippy.
Perhaps one of the greatest pains a parent could have is burying their child, it’s always expected that the parent will go first.
For nearly a year Cissy Houston remained silent about her daughter’s untimely death, that’s until she sat down with Oprah Winfrey a few weeks ago. But an hour with the ‘Queen of Talk’ wasn’t enough, enter the memoir Remembering Whitney, My Story of Love, Loss and the Night Music Stopped.If you know anything about me it’s that Whitney Houston is my absolute favorite singer.
I read the book in two days and while there were a lot of things I was aware of, there were quite a bit I didn’t know, check them out.
Shaka’s 20 Most Shocking Revelations from Whitney’s Book
1.The name Nippy came from her daddy. He got it from a comic strip character who was always getting in trouble. Likewise, Whitney’s middle name Elizabeth was in honor of her paternal grandmother and Whitney came from an actress on television show her mom liked.
2.Whitney once lost a talent show to another young lady who ironically sang Greatest Love of All. Whitney came in second place and years later once she ‘made it’ ran into the lady again.
3.John Houston was still married to his first wife when he met Cissy (who had son Gary) from a previous brief marriage. It wasn’t until after Michael and Whitney were born that his divorce became final.
4.Bobbi Kristina almost ended up with the name “Tekatia or Takeka” according to Cissy, she suggested the name Christiana instead. “That child will have to carry that name through her whole life. You are not giving my grandbaby that name.”
5.It wasn’t Bobby Brown who introduced Whitney to drugs; it was her older brother Michael. (I never thought it was Bobby anyway, but didn’t know it was her brother) It was in the late 80s that Whitney’s long time friend/personal assistant Robyn Crawford came to Cissy about Whitney’s drug use. She told Cissy they both did drugs, but Whitney was addicted.
6.Whitney was an actress! Long before The Bodyguard, Waiting to Exhale and The Preacher’s Wife she had guest appearances on sitcoms. Silver Spoons and Gimme A Break were two mentioned in the book.
7.Remember the train wreck of a show Being Bobby Brown? Yeah, the reason there wasn’t a second season of it is because Whitney refused to be on so the producers didn’t want to do it without her.
8.Because Whitney refused to invite her dad’s new wife to her wedding to Bobby Brown, her dad refused to come. He eventually changed his mind saying he would come walk her down the aisle, but was leaving immediately afterward. He ended up staying.
9.A week before Whitney sang that unforgettable rendition of The Star Spangled Banner she was asked to record a “safety tape” kind of what Beyonce did right before the Inauguration. Whitney recorded the tape, but producers of the halftime show felt her version was too jazzy and asked her to do it over. Her father refused, “No, this is the way Whitney is going to sing the song. If you want her to sing it, this is it.” So there you have it. Whitney’s version of the Star Spangled Banner was not only unique and the best version to date, but she sang it LIVE… She told producers she couldn’t keep time with a song unless she was really singing it.
10.Whitney suffered a miscarriage in 1992 weeks after filming of The Bodyguard began. She was also secretly engaged to Bobby Brown, whom she married in July of that year.
11.Whitney and Bobby’s honeymoon was a ten day Mediterranean cruise, but Whitney didn’t want to go alone so she invited her brother Michael and wife Donna to come.
12.Remember the hit song “Shoop, Shoop” from the Waiting To Exhale Soundtrack? Well this is what happened. Babyface wrote the music and the first few lines of the song, then gave it to Whitney and asked her to do the rest. A week later Whitney didn’t have words for the song. As a joke she starting singing “Shoop, shoop” in place of words and everyone liked it so much Babyface wrote the rest of the song around it.
13.We all noticed the weight gain of Whitney during the last five yearsof her life, apparently the doctor prescribed steroids to help with her voice and it caused her to put on a few extra pounds.
14.During an interview with Essence magazine a writer asked Whitney her response to the public saying she wasn’t “black enough.” She responded, “What’s black?” I’ve been trying to figure this out since I’ve been in the business. I don’t know how to sing black and I don’t know how to sing white either. I know how to sing, music is not a color to me. It’s an art.”
15.The night Cissy found out Whitney died, she writes, “I didn’t know how I would make it through the next five minutes, let alone the rest of the night, or the long nights ahead. I didn’t understand how anyone could bear such a burden of sadness and pain. And then, someone put on music and I could hear the voice of Marvin Winans singing the great Andrae Crouch song. “God has spoken, so let the church say amen.”
16.Cissy also revealed something she’d never revealed about the day Whitney was born. A voice she heard as she held her baby girl in her arms. Cissy said she never said anything to anyone about it, and didn’t think about it again until February 11, 2012.
17.Cissy never liked for Whitney to say she was from “The Bricks” another term the projects New Jersey. She said her kids only lived there five weeks while she was on tour and they stayed with a family friend. “I guess in Nippy’s mind that gave her some street credit or something.” Cissy said it made her mad to hear Whitney say that. “You ain’t never lived in no damn projects! You ain’t from no bricks. You’re going to get a brick upside your head,” she’d tell her.
18.Cissy on Bobby, “Yet unlike a lot of people, I don’t blame Bobby for introducing Nippy to drugs or for the things that ended up happing to her, at the same time I also don’t believe he did much to help her…When it came to getting clean, he and Nippy never seem to be in the same place at the same time and that made the process much harder.”
19.The Preacher’s Wife movie almost didn’t happen because Bobby didn’t want her to take the role. Nobody knows why, but Cissy speculates that he was uncomfortable with her working so close to Denzel Washington.
20.Cissy confesses that she often wonders if Whitney loved her, if she was a good mother. She admits to being angry with Whitney, at the world and herself. “Was I a good mother? Was I too hard on her? And the worst one of all, could I have saved her somehow?
Happy Birthday to meeeee! No not really, everybody knows my birthday is in November, but today my baby turned one.
It was one year ago after the passing of my favorite singer Whitney Houston I had an epiphany. Even though that was a very sad day for myself as well as the world. Nearly a year before that I stopped writing, literally, put my pen down and didn’t write.
I’d allowed a minor setback in my career to take away my passion for writing. It was too painful for me to write or read my work for that matter.
The same night after Whitney died I decided to write again. I realized that life is too short and I didn’t want to waste another second denying myself the joy of writing.
I was exhasted, earlier that day I spent eight hours getting my hair braided, add about three hours of crying to that and you have one drained young lady.
Tired as I was, I didn’t go to sleep until my blog was created and my first piece was up.
A very special thanks to my long time friend and old VOX Teen Newspaper colleague Jamal Branford. We had a three hour chat via Facebook selecting a name for my blog. Every name we came up with was already taken. It was way after 3 a.m. and Jamal was still at work at a Florida newspaper, but he hung in there.
Finally I remembered my friend Erin Harper’s blog http://www.allerinharper.com, that’s it, I need something with my name in it.
The light bulb finally went off and together Jamal and I created the name piecesofcobb, of course I ran it by my husband and he loved it.
Speaking of my love, Roderick, he’s been supportive since day one, always encouraging me to write. I love him and appreciate the support. He co-signs just about anything I want unless it involves dipping into our savings to bail me out.
I’d also like to thank my dear friend Shakira Webb, who was a writer in her former life I’m sure of it.
She wrote my bio in a day and I loved it, I mean who else but a true friend knows I hate sweet tea. Thank you Shakira Dear!
Lastly I’d like to thank all of my other friends, Facebook friends, family,mentors, classmates (Lithonia High, New York Times Student Journalism and Clark Atlanta University) and anyone else who reads my blog. I’m so very grateful!
Today I read that superstar Usher received primary custody of his two sons with ex-wife Tameka Foster Raymond.
Was I surprised? No, not really!
Actually I’ve been following the case and kind of wished the judge would continue to allow joint custody between the two parents.
In a perfect world the two adults should have worked out their issues without a court of law. I thought after the death of Tameka’s son from her first marriage to Ryan Glover they would stop the custody case, *shrugs*.
I only know what I read on mainstream news sites and blogs (which I read for entertainment purposes only) I’m reading comments on social media sites (also for entertainment purposes) that Usher won because he has money. That statement alone bothers me.
I can remember going through a custody case with my mom and dad. My parents were never married, after they spilt up when I was about four or five mama and I moved back to her hometown of Alabama and daddy stayed in Detroit. I didn’t see my dad for one year straight. Shortly after daddy moved to Atlanta and I saw him often.
My mama soon got married and had other kids, my two brothers and two sisters, another sister came years later. No lie, times were very hard, things were out of control and I was growing up too fast, when all I wanted to do was be a child.
Long story short, my dad suggested to my mama numerous times that I should come live with him, she always said not right now. I can’t blame her; no mom really wants to be without all their kids. Eventually things got worse, and if anyone knew my dad he was the nicest man ever, but once he got fed up it was a wrap.
One day he got fed up and filed for custody. It wasn’t a long drawn out battle, we went to court the day after my 13th birthday and that same day he was granted temporary custody. Six months later, he was granted full custody.Daddy and I with my first cousin/brother Mikal, Thanksgiving 92, my first in Atlanta
I was happy and sad at the same time. Happy for obvious reasons, but sad because my mama was hurt, I was leaving my sisters, who I had a close bond with, my school, friends and cousins, but it was for the best. No one believed my dad would win custody, he was single (with the exception of a long time girlfriend), he was in and out the hospital with Sickle Cell and he was a man. Daughters don’t live with daddies alone, but I did.
Nothing against my mom, but she needed to be forced to do what I’m sure she wanted to do, but just didn’t have the strength to do and that was give me a better life. Looking back, that decision saved our relationship. I grew and I learned to forgive.
There were lots of things I experienced that I only share when it can benefit others. I wasn’t sexually abused or physically abused for that matter, but the judge felt that I needed healing and removing me from that situation would do that.
I adore my mama and as I got older understood her more. I’m forever in debt to my father, may his soul rest in peace, words cannot describe what he did for me.
Maybe one day Tameka can see that this decision was best for her kids, hopefully she will realize that when fathers fight for their kids, it really has nothing to do with the mother, but everything to do with his love for the child.
The first time I talked to Carlos Jeff I didn’t know what to expect. His story is one I was happy to tell, but at the same time wish I didn’t have to. His voice was friendly as if I’m a long-lost home girl. He jokes and we laugh, I wasn’t expecting to laugh, just as he wasn’t expecting what happened on June 7, 2011. Here is his story.
The Invitation…
It was a hot day, first week of summer vacation, as my boys played basketball, their favorite pastime at their mother’s home. We planned to hang out, nothing special, just get a little food and maybe catch a movie later. As Barbara, their mother pulled into the driveway from work the neighbor asked if Cameron and Bryce would like to come play in her pool with a few boys who were visiting. Barbara said yes and relayed the message to them. I’m sure they were very excited because this was their first time being invited to the neighbor’s pool since moving into that home five years prior. Barbara told them get their swim trunks and go over and introduce themselves to the neighbor’s visitors.
Family First…
My sons were incredibly rambunctious and full of life. They enjoyed sports, singing in the choir, their dogs, but more than anything they simply enjoyed being together. As a family we did almost everything together. I, as their father, did a very unconventional job as a stay at home parent for the five children that I raised with Barbara. The children were basically a staircase in ages being two years apart. Cayla,16, Carlos 14, Bria 12, Cameron would have turned 11 on May 9 of this year and Bryce 9. When the boys got the news that they would be swimming they ran to get their trunks. It was a Tuesday evening and just that previous Sunday I had taken the children to a state park for a dip in the lake. We played for a few hours in the water, for the boys loved to water like most kids do when it’s hot, but were never formally trained to swim. A previous drowning incident to a cousin deterred many of our family members from sending the kids to a pool. Barbara told the boys to go over and speak as she undressed from work. She told them she would go to the store for snacks and drinks to share with their new friends.
Tragedy within minutes…
When the boys went to the neighbor’s they entered on the deep end of a nine foot pool. There was a slide and a diving board. Being the first time over they didn’t know the layout of the pool. As they saw the other boys, who could not swim either, playing in the shallow end, they did not realize the difference in-depth in sides of the pool. Bryce went down the slide into the nine foot water. When he went under and realized the depth he immediately panicked. Cameron, always playing the role of big brother jumped in to try to help him. It was a no win situation as both boys began to fight to survive at that point. The boys who watched jumped out and ran for help. There were three adults at the home and none knew how to swim! They watched in horror not knowing what to do to save my sons. One of them ran into the streets begging passing cars to stop and help. She was finally able to get someone to stop. An older man, who lived not far away was passing by with his wife on their way to get dinner. He jumped into the pool and pulled them out, but it was too late. Fireman showed up not soon after and began to perform CPR. The boys fought for their lives in the ambulance.
The phone call…
I received a call from Barbara as the ambulance was loading the boys into the back. I was on my way back to their home to pick them up. If I had just gotten there twenty minutes earlier I would’ve saved them or prevented the accident altogether. I am a trained swimmer and a very strong one also. Just twenty minutes of time has meant a huge difference in my entire life. It has taught me to value every moment I share with my loved ones so much more.
No happy ending…
They boys were two of the strongest physically that one could meet for a 10 and 8-year-old. I am an ex-college football player and would use fitness not only to stay in shape but also as a disciplinary method. The doctors mentioned that they had never seen young boys with fully developed six packs and arms their size. This strength allowed them to hang on longer than most under the circumstances. There is nothing worse than seeing your children fighting for their lives, being shocked by paramedics to jumpstart their hearts. We’ve all seen the hospital shows and sit in awe as the patients overcome tragic accidents or illnesses. However, in this case there would be no happy ending. Bryce, 8-years-old, was under the water longer, around 15 minutes. He fought for two days. It was June 9 and the birthday of my oldest son Carlos Jr. We decided we could not allow them to pronounce him dead on his brother’s birthday. I didn’t want Carlos to have to live with that type of grief every year that his special day came. We were able to keep him on the life support an extra day. Cameron fought until Saturday. I really believe even in death that he wanted to protect his little brother and be with him. When Bryce passed away my family was so consumed with sadness that they all left the hospital, leaving me there alone with Cameron. I remember praying and speaking to him for hours. We were very close. He not only looked exactly like me as a kid, but enjoyed the same things as I did. Six months earlier to their accident I moved to Atlanta to pursue a music career. Cameron would email me every morning before getting dressed for school. His messages usually read something like…”Dad, I’m up early and thinking of you. I want to be the first thing you think about when you get up today”. I really miss those small things.
A preventable death…
When a tragedy strikes your life we go through a ton of mixed emotions. I’ve dealt with the emotions of guilt, shame, anger and pain the most. The guilt kicks in when you think about the things that you might have done that could have prevented this incident. Why didn’t I teach them to swim? Why wasn’t I there to protect them? The anger issues were huge for me because I felt that the adults on that day made poor decisions allowing the boys to enter a nine foot pool with limited supervision. No one there could swim nor did the owners have any life saving devices like floats or a hook to fish them out. My son’s death was preventable.
Helping others…
During the week friends and family poured in from across the nation. Many gave money to help our family in any way we needed. I come from a family rooted in the Christian belief. On Sundays we always attended church together, in fact, my children and a niece were the root of the children’s choir. Bryce was grooming for the lead. He loved to sing and dance and loved to joke about how the women would love him soon. We decided as a family that we had to find a way to bring light to our tragedy and see if we could prevent other parents from feeling a similar pain. We first decided to donate their organs to someone in need. I think of the little girl who received Cameron’s heart regularly. Does she know how much loved poured in and out of that heart? Can she feel his presence each time she breaths?
The Legacies…
We were soon approached with an idea of donating to the Cincinnati Recreation Commission’s (CRC) I CAN SWIM PROGRAM. CRC decided to make a special rate for their lessons in honor of my sons. They would offer four lessons for $20 to each kid who signed up. Our first contribution was a check for over $3,300. It would be a joy to know we could save over 150 kids lives with this donation. After the check given to the CRC I went home feeling bittersweet. I felt like although this was a big donation it was by far not what my sons lives were worth. I decided to continue to seek out my friends to donate more money. I felt that more awareness was needed to shed light on drownings. I found out that drowning was the second biggest cause of death of children under 14. Why is it not talked about more? Why are more provisions placed in areas of danger? Since the initial monies were given to CRC I decided to begin the process of creating a non-profit organization to raise monies to pay for swim lessons for the kids of Cincinnati, but also to fight for amended laws for pool ownership. Almost $20,000 was presented to CRC via friends or supporters. This following year, as we grow stronger, I hope to raise six figures for our new foundation, The Cameron and Bryce Jeff Memorial Foundation. I’m seeking donors, as well as volunteers that would help with legal issues, fund-raising, and as motivational speakers to go out to public pools and get the word of water safety out to the masses.
God and faith…
Many have asked me how I have remained strong throughout this situation. We never know what we can handle until we are faced with it. First of all, my faith in God has been the main factor to me remaining strong. I always thought that if you give your battle to God he will see you through it. I’m faithful in my belief that I will see my sons again in heaven when I pass. Though it is a long, hard walk daily without them present, I am able to walk it, head high, knowing my sons are with God and their legacy shall remain alive for years to come. It’s also through the overwhelming amount of support from family, friends, and strangers that I am able to smile. A few close friends have kept me smiling daily. I also get a huge amount of therapy helping others. Being able to speak with other parents who have a dying child has lifted me. I try to give them encouragement and uplift them in their time of need. Music and poetry have also played a huge role in my recovery. Whenever I’m down I play songs that give me good memories, or I write to ease my mind. One of my favorite songs is Fatherhood, performed by artist from my label Straightface Entertainment Group. This song speaks volumes about the love we have for our children as fathers.
Carlo’s Plea…
If you learn anything from me I hope it would be these things: One, always show your children how much you love them by simply putting time into them. Gifts and material items wear off but genuine love and affection doesn’t. Children love back unconditionally. Secondly, pay attention to the small details in your decision-making. A small mistake can cost you a lifetime of grief. And finally, please teach your children to swim. It’s vital because everywhere you go on Earth is surrounded by water. Don’t let your fears prohibit your learning, nor your circumstances. Live each day like it is your last, for it very well may be.
For more information about how you can help or donate visit Cameron and Bryce Jeff Memorial Facebook Page. You can also contact Carlos Jeff there.
Editor’s note: After spending close to an hour on the phone with Carlos and receiving his email I decided no one, including me could tell the story the way he did. It is for that reason I posted it as is, with the exception of sub-titles and minor corrections.
Pieces of Cobb 